Inklings

A Day in the Life of a Hobbit | Guest Post by Wesley Hoffman

(Welcome to Inklings Week 2019! You can find all the posts here. Hope you enjoy and thanks for stopping by!)

Joining us today is my friend Wesley from Library Educated! Enjoy!

Even though the hobbits drive me a little crazy in the works of Tolkien (everyone just keep your hands to yourself! Don’t start a fire when you’re trying to be sneaky! Stop drinking too much and telling people things, THE RING’S DISAPPEARING ACT IS NOT A TRICK YOU SHOW PEOPLE AT THE PUB).

Good gravy, no joke Elf Lord.

However, life in the Shire sounds preeeetttty good. The hobbits and I are alike in a lot of ways, just wanting the finer things like: eating, drinking good beer, and hanging out with friends until the wee hours.

Which got me thinking: “Man, with all the eating and drinking and friend time, how do you get anything else done?” If it was me it would be a lot of sticky notes, reminders in my phone, and an alarm or two. But honestly, something tells me that the hobbits don’t live and die by their bullet journals and efficiency apps – but if they did I feel like it would like this.

6:45am: Slap the alarm off of the nightstand and wander into the kitchen scratching and belching. Almost slept through breakfast. That was a close one.

7:00am: Breakfast – chow down on leftovers from last night’s supper. Ugggghhh it’s going to be a busy one, should probably get a move on it. Wander out to the garden to pull some weeds and do some gathering of whatever looks ripe and delicious. But gosh, doesn’t that sun feel great on your hairy hobbit toes and your (somehow) hairless face? Maybe we just stretch out on the grass just for a quick nap……….snoooooooree….

8:30am: Wake with a start as a caterpillar sneaks across your forehead. By Gandalf’s beard, did you almost sleep through another meal? We need to get our priorities straight…and maybe plant some Valerian Root or something. Wander into the house with your hastily gathered veggies and throw them in a basket. You’ve got to trade those later on in this incredibly busy day but since it’s right around 9:00am you better get on with Second Breakfast because you’re not as young as you used to be and you have to keep that stamina up.

Yeah, what about it?

10:00am: After eating Second Breakfast over the sink because you realize you haven’t washed dishes in a few days you decide you can probably put some in the sink to soak (look at you, adulting so hard) and will wash them later. Right now you have to see your distant cousin who lives at the other side of Bag’s End about making a trade for your home grown goodness in exchange for HIS home brewed goodness. It’s kind of a hike so you should probably get to getting.

11:15am: Um, okay, how did that walk take longer since the last time you walked it? And now you’re hot and sweaty and cranky and your carrots look droopy and just.so.thirsty. Luckily your cousin has a chair in the shade waiting for you to sample some of his fine ale and have a little snicker snack for Elevensies. Even if it’s closer to like ElevensiesTwenty when you’re done. After several samples and a snack you know you should talk business but that breeze sure feels nice and you already here your cousin’s thunderous snores and decide, yeah, let’s take a nap and wheel and deal when we are firing on all cylinders. You eventually get shaken awake for an early lunch, and then after some hard negotiating find yourself tottering home with a small cask of ale underneath each arm. Which is good news because you’re having a couple of people over for dinner that night – it’s not going to be an all night bender but you have a reputation to uphold and you don’t want to run out of ale.

3:00pm: You are a beast! Those dishes in the sink are cleaned, you swept, you made sure there was clean ash trays for everyone’s pipe ash, the casks are chilling like villains in the root cellar, you have stew simmering in the fireplace, your crudite platters are on point and you have never felt more entitled to a nice long tea.

5:59pm: Hobbits never on time unless there is free booze and food involved. #FACT #Dont@me. Dinner is off and running!

Things get……fuzzy after here…..you’re assuming there was supper at about 9:00pm, and it’s not just because literally every dish in your cozy kitchen is dirty AGAIN, it’s also because there is no food left in your house. Dinner must have somehow turned into that all night bender it wasn’t supposed to because not only are those casks empty they are dry as the eyes of Sauron. You find some sad looking radishes under an over turned bucket and decide that will serve for breakfast tomorrow, because what would you actually cook that early. As you swerve to your cozy hobbit bed you think….

Don’t forget to enter the giveaway! We’ll keep this open through Sunday, 5/12. US residents only. Void where prohibited by law. Enter here for your chance the new Del Rey collection of THE LORD OF THE RINGS (image below), “A Well Read Woman is Dangerous” sticker, and other fun surprises!

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