Ponderings

Gollum, Japanese Photo Booths and the Battle with Beauty

Once upon a time I was compared to Gollum. Please feel free to chuckle along with me, because if those aren’t the words every woman longs to hear, then I know nothing of my fellow females.

In case you aren’t sure who Gollum is, here he is, in all his glory.

The cliff notes version goes like this: several years ago two friends (a guy and gal) and I were enjoying lunch when one of his friends joined us (it was at event that provided free lunch). In all fairness, he did start by saying “You have nice eyes” but ended it with “…like Gollum’s.” (Yep, he was 100% serious too) Any hope of that coming across in a positive light was destroyed when Smeags was thrown in. Who knows, maybe he watched Lord of the Rings the night before. We shall never know. Yes, it was hilarious, but definitely one for the books.

Fast forward about 10 years when my two good friends and I were exploring Japan. They have photo booths, so we obviously took part:

1. Can we talk about the size of my eyes (see top right). I mean good jolly, I look like a puppy (or Gollum right? ;)) We laughed for a solid amount of time. Do you blame us?
2. We barely figured out how to work the machine, so the captions on the images? No clue. Although we did get the date right. Woot!
3. It blows my mind there are photo booths out there that give you the “perfect” skin, make your eyes bigger and make you and your buddies “glow” like you’ve never experienced uneven skin.

It would be easy to toss this aside and say it’s a cultural thing, but it’s not just in Japan. Recently on Facebook an ad for an app to “fix” your face popped up. You know, so you can have the perfect selfie. I knew this would make for some interesting discussion, so I investigated further and apparently there are several options and one even featured a toddler in the before and after how-to.

Lord help us.

It seems like there’s always something thrown at us about how to look, what looks good and how we should portray ourselves. Will there ever be a day where there isn’t something to make us question if we’re good enough? I think it’s safe to say we all have dealt with this in some way or another. It comes in all different ways too. From the anonymous internet user, to a person you know, to the advertising monster taking over culture.

We all have our experiences. Some are similar, some so very different. But I can’t completely blame the outside world for the battle with beauty and of being enough. For over a decade I didn’t wear a cap because when I was 16, a guy told me I looked like a boy with a cap on. Yep, it took 11 years for me to move past that. Nothing like high school to haunt you right? Or the times after a breakup? Questioned myself for weeks. Or when a pretty woman walks into the room and, even if it’s for a brief second, inadequacy hits?

Am I the only one who has ever struggled with this?

I so often have to do a heart check and ask myself why these things creep on me. They shouldn’t bug me, but when they do, I know it’s because I’ve missed it (once again). Where do I find my value? Where to find my worth?

It’s so easy to get caught up in the wrong areas. What I do or don’t look like doesn’t really matter. Whether I have a six pack (that’s funny) or have to buy a size up in jeans. Whether I love or hate makeup. My value is found in something far greater and more perfectly beautiful than I can ever imagine.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
That right there. It’s all that matters and it’s a promise.

When you believed, you were marked in Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory. Ephesians 1:13-14
What a promise!

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. Luke 12:6-7
The Lord made me and values everything about me. That is enough.

To quote “Crooked Smile” by J. Cole: “We ain’t picture perfect, but we worth the picture still.”

And I just quoted a hip hop song after Bible verses. So there’s that.

But what a beautiful and wonderful hope: I’m God’s chosen – holy and beloved. And He will never leave nor forsake me. What more do I need?

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Has there been a scripture that has gotten you through feelings of inadequacy?

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Love and Faith

An Open Letter to Teenage Girls

To all the teenager girls out there, this letter is for you.

After reading about the recent horrible and tragic suicide of a 12-year old girl and follow-up articles about how much worse bullying has become (especially with the internet), my heart is so heavy for you guys. What you battle is an ugly and awful monster. Plus I’m auntie to two of the most precious and beautiful little girls in the world and can’t even begin to fathom that they would experience such pain that would lead them to think suicide is the only answer. Like I said, stories like these break my heart.

While I don’t know everything, my life experiences (31 years in the making) has lent me some wisdom. This is what I know.

Things are different for you then when I was your age, but I remember them well. It’s awkward, it’s uncertain and it’s a learning stage. But no matter what the “cool” crowd acts like, says or does, they don’t have it all together. They have plenty insecurities. I know life seems like a hot mess (and to be honest, sometimes it really is) and if you aren’t the coolest kid at school or have all the boys falling for you, then something must be wrong with you. That if other girls pick on you and try to bully you, then they’re right and you deserve it.

But you know what? THEY ARE WRONG.

I don’t know you personally, but I bet you are amazing. You are unique and you are beautiful. Maybe you love to paint, maybe you love to sing, maybe you love sports, maybe you love Star Wars and Harry Potter (what! what!). Maybe you want to write or teach when you’re older. Maybe you want to serve our country in the military or maybe you want to be a soccer superstar. Whatever it is you love – hold on to that, because that’s one of the things that makes you, well, you!

No really, you truly are unique. There’s a purpose only you, and you alone can fill. You know like Frodo or Harry (if you think the nerdfest references are going to stop, you, my friend, are wrong ;)). There’s a story being written, a beautiful incredible story and your role is just as important as my role, your parent’s role, the President’s role and anyone else you know.

Do you see that? Can you feel it? Oh friend! Don’t let anyone, anyone, tell you otherwise. Don’t believe the lies that attack you every day. I know it’s hard – they come from the radio, the TV, the internet and people. You know what you should do? Punch them in the face (well not the actual people – let’s all be law-abiding citizens k?). Just go all Samwise-Gamgee-against-the-Orcs on those lies.

And you know what? The people who have changed the world aren’t the one who bully people to feel better about themselves. Sadly, there will always be people who try to make themselves feel better by knocking others down. But keep fighting, keep pushing through, following your dreams and know that you are someone special. God made you that way and I promise He doesn’t make mistakes. And when you realize that, your heart, your soul, your everything will experience the most beautiful thing ever known and your life will never be the same.

Family Life

Auntie’s Girls!

I’m currently going through Auntie withdrawals. I miss my girls!

My sister recently had her second precious little girl, so I made my way to Cali just as quickly as I could. It was a great few days helping my sister, hanging with the fam and of course, spending time with the two sweetest and cutest girls on planet earth!

I brought my camera (of course) and had a quick/informal shoot. Most of these my mom took (since you know, I’m in them 😉 ), but I think its safe to say that I’m the luckiest Auntie there is!

I can’t wait to see them again!